The human need for Belonging vs Authenticity

May 14, 2026
4 minutes

Why we so often dress for acceptance

As humans, we are wired for connection. Research by Baumeister & Leary identified belonging as one of our deepest psychological needs – the desire to feel accepted, valued and part of something larger than ourselves.

Yet alongside this sits another equally important need: authenticity

The need to feel that our choices, identity and self-expression genuinely come from within, rather than being shaped entirely by external expectations. This tension shows up powerfully in the way women dress.

Today, women are exposed to more style inspiration than ever before

Social media, celebrity culture and influencer marketing constantly present curated versions of what is considered “stylish”, desirable or aspirational. Research has shown that appearance-focused social media can significantly influence body image, self-perception and identity formation, particularly through comparison behaviours.

One study exploring social media and body image found that platforms such as Instagram encourage “upward social comparison”, where individuals compare themselves to idealised and carefully curated images, often leading to dissatisfaction with their own appearance and identity (Fardouly & Vartanian).

As a result, many women unconsciously begin dressing from a place of comparison rather than self-understanding. They save celebrity outfits. Follow trends. Buy pieces they admire on someone else. Yet often feel disappointed when the same outfit doesn’t feel quite right on them.

Not because they’ve “got it wrong” but because style is deeply individual.

Why copying someone else’s (personal) style rarely works

A celebrity’s outfit works in harmony with their unique combination of body shape, proportions, colouring, scale, energy and style personality. Simply recreating the clothing itself rarely recreates the overall effect.

This is something I educate women on through my colour and style services.

True personal style is not about copying aesthetics. It’s about understanding the visual language of you:

Your body shape influences how clothing sits, balances and creates proportion
Your proportions affect which lengths, silhouettes and details feel harmonious
Your colouring determines which tones bring your features to life naturally
And your style personality blend shapes the overall mood and presence of your outfits

For example, two women may wear the same blazer, jeans and trainers, yet one may need softer structure, one may suit sharper tailoring, one may need visual simplicity while another needs more contrast or detail to feel like herself.

When women don’t understand these individual elements, they often end up shopping reactively rather than intentionally.

The real reason you have 'nothing to wear'

This is why blindly following trends often leaves women with wardrobes full of clothes but very few outfits that actually work together.

Many wardrobes become a collection of disconnected identities – romantic pieces from one season, minimalist staples from another, oversized trends inspired by one influencer, hyper-feminine details inspired by another. Individually, the items may be beautiful. But collectively, they belong to completely different style personalities, proportions and visual energies.

The result is a wardrobe full of options, but very little cohesion.

Research into fashion and identity construction describes clothing as “a powerful medium for self-expression and identity negotiation” (Kaiser). However, studies also suggest that when individuals dress primarily to meet external expectations, it can create tension between self-image and authentic identity.

This is often why women stand in front of wardrobes full of clothes and still feel they have nothing to wear – not because they lack clothing, but because the pieces don’t consistently reflect them.

Authentic style doesn’t mean ignoring context

The goal of personal style is not to reject belonging altogether, because clothing does help us navigate context, culture and environment. We naturally adapt how we dress for work, events, motherhood, holidays, professional settings or different social spaces.

But authentic style means adapting without abandoning yourself.

It means understanding yourself well enough to interpret trends selectively rather than becoming consumed by them. To wear clothes intentionally rather than imitatively. To express who you are whilst still dressing appropriately for the context you’re in.

This is why my approach to colour and style is never about rigid rules or transforming women into someone else. It’s about helping women recognise their own natural harmony so they can dress with more confidence, clarity and self-trust.

Because the women who feel most stylish are rarely the ones copying everybody else.
They are usually the women who understand themselves best.